Is Monogamy vs Polyamory a binary?

People talk about Monogamy vs. Polyamory/Consensual Nonmonogamy like it's a binary, like you're one or the other. I reject that notion.

Any binary requires two definite observable states, like on or off. That's the metrics. But with non-monogamy vs. monogamy, what are your metrics? Is it sex? Is it love? There are a lot of people who are asexual, don't have sex, but consider themselves polyamorous. Asexual polyamory is a real thing. There are a lot of swingers, folks in "the lifestyle," for whom it's all about sex and not developing feelings.

Of course, you have to define "monogamy." Some folks define monogamy so strictly that friends of the attracted to gender are forbidden. Other folks consider themselves monogamous if they don't have sex with people other than their partner, but are okay with kissing, cuddling, etc. And then, you have to define sex...

Monoamorous is a word and is aptly used in the realm of feelings, Monoamorous vs. Polyamorous. I would add in the realm of sex, Monosexual vs. Polysexual? Can a person be Polyamorous and Monosexual? I believe so but it's seldom talked about, except maybe as an "emotional affair." But, is it an affair if it's consensual? 

Bubbles and Buckets

 As Andie Nordgren said in The Relationship Anarchy Manifesto, "Each relationship is independent, and a relationship between autonomous individuals."

All relationships count. Sex is not a sorting hat. Love is a shapeshifter and takes many forms. We call this friendship, that romance and yet love is constantly reimagining itself. Who's to say what shape is the most valuable, at least beyond our own individual bubbles?

If you tear down the hierarchy of relationships and toss away the buckets we tend to sort relationships into a lot of the labels like "exes", "partner", and "lover" either gain new meanings or cease to have any.

About Partners

Why is the label "partner" as applied to relationships so loaded? When people hear the word partner, as in they're a partner of mine, it's often assumed this is a sexual and/or romantic relationship. But, isn't that privileging sexual and/or romantic relationships? Where does that leave asexual and/or aromantic people? They don't get to have partners?

Isn't it enough that an awesome person is someone who is special enough to be a life partner? To me a partner is somebody I am sharing this amazing, beautiful adventure called life with. Platonic Partner is an expression that's gaining traction. But, why? Why, if I say someone is a partner then other people assume I am saying we are having sex, unless I specifically say, "no we are not" by adding the word platonic.

Ultimately whether or not I'm having sex with this person who is a fellow traveler on this journey we call life is nobody's business but this person and I (and possibly our our other partners.) Love and/or sex does not owe anyone else an explanation.

Sigh, but, I just say friends. It's just easier. Sometimes though, that doesn't feel like it's enough. I guess it's enough, though. It's enough if we know how special we are to each other.

That's all that matters I guess.