Polyamory as an orientation

A snippet from a recent conversation, "we live in a culture that tells us to love all our siblings, all our parents, all our children, all our pets with all our heart but also tells us loving only one person romantically is the only way you can love romantically. That's not true for many people, simply not true. It's not true for me. Nothing I can do can change that."

About Partners

Why is the label "partner" as applied to relationships so loaded? When people hear the word partner, as in they're a partner of mine, it's often assumed this is a sexual and/or romantic relationship. But, isn't that privileging sexual and/or romantic relationships? Where does that leave asexual and/or aromantic people? They don't get to have partners?

Isn't it enough that an awesome person is someone who is special enough to be a life partner? To me a partner is somebody I am sharing this amazing, beautiful adventure called life with. Platonic Partner is an expression that's gaining traction. But, why? Why, if I say someone is a partner then other people assume I am saying we are having sex, unless I specifically say, "no we are not" by adding the word platonic.

Ultimately whether or not I'm having sex with this person who is a fellow traveler on this journey we call life is nobody's business but this person and I (and possibly our our other partners.) Love and/or sex does not owe anyone else an explanation.

Sigh, but, I just say friends. It's just easier. Sometimes though, that doesn't feel like it's enough. I guess it's enough, though. It's enough if we know how special we are to each other.

That's all that matters I guess.

An orientation…

When someone tells you something is an orientation they’re telling you something fundamental. They’re telling you something is:

1. Innate — It’s a feature. What they are telling you is this thing is as much a part of them as their eye color.

1. Lifelong — Orientations are unplanned. They just are, for an individual, like gravity. Orientations can change, people change, but most often do not change orientations.  People  evolve and there is fluidity, but don’t expect evolution or fluidity. The perception of change is most often people going through a process (or processes) of self discovery.

1. Unchangeable — Lot’s of people have tried to change orientations. Through will people can change behavior, but not their nature. People can do what they will but cannot will what they will. When fluidity occasionally happens, it is not an act of will.

Orientations are not (just) about what people do, it's about who they are. When people tell you who they are, listen.

Imagine they’re like Popeye saying, “I am what I am, and that's all that I am.”