Jiz Lee's book is an excellent anthology of over 55 short stories written by people in the adult-film industry. It's about their lives and experiences "coming out" to the significant "vanilla" people in their lives.
Sophia and I first heard about this book at the 2016 CatalystCon West Conference where Jiz Lee was giving a presentation about the book. Lee's presentation included several of the authors of stories in their book. This presentation changed forever our perception of porn stars and the adult-film industry.
The thing that most impressed us is how educated, intelligent and well spoken they are. The common misconception that all porn stars are either trafficked or do porn out of desperation was quickly obliterated. These porn stars are smart cookies all who do porn by choice as part of their sexual expression as well as as a job. They love their work.
Porn stars are a sexual minority. In my opinion, this book matters for more than porn stars. This is a really important book for all sexual minorities. The consequences the writers wrote about that many suffered as a result of coming out points to the fact that there still are legally unprotected sexual minorities beyond those currently defined and protected as LGBTQIA. That's why this is such an important book not just for porn stars. For example, folks who are in consensually non-monogamous relationships do not currently have legal protections from discrimination.
The biggest question I had in reading this book, and meeting these authors, though, was; why can't people in our society just let people be who they are and accept other people as they are? I mean really; why should there be this much agony about people being open about their work, gender expression, sexual and relationship orientation?
Until that happens; in the real world, all sexual minorities need legal protection from discrimination in their housing, financial lives and employment.
This is an excellent and important book. I highly recommend it!
Showing posts with label Sophia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sophia. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
Sunday, September 25, 2016
Looking back on Catalyst Con West, 2016
Last weekend my wife Sophia and I went to the 2016 version of Catalyst Con West, in Los Angeles, CA. This was our first Catalyst Con and it was a fantastic conference. We both enjoyed it. Special thanks to Dee Dennis for creating this great event.
The session that most exceeded my expectations was Coming Out Like a Porn Star with Jiz Lee, Joanne Angel, Casey Clavert and JackHammerXXL. I was deeply moved by them reading their stories of coming out, from of the book by Jiz Lee, Coming Out Like a Porn Star. The power of narrative is amazing and this anthology was a great way to humanize sex workers and their experience. I will be recommending this to my friends, especially my vanilla friends.
The slut shaming panel was very good, as was Andre Shakti's session. The session on poly was good as was the ethical porn session as well as Joan Price's session. I didn't learn a lot I didn't already know in Joan's session or the poly session; which is not so surprising as these are in my wheelhouse. Joan is just such a sweet person it's always a pleasure seeing her.
The session I found the most disappointing was the session on female libido and testosterone. This felt like a pharma sales pitch. I was disappointed that I could not be in multiple places at one time. Sometimes I had to choose between two sessions and sometimes, looking back, I felt I made the wrong choice. I wish I had chosen the session I hadn't attended. Especially the session by Dr. Marylou Naccarato; I am kicking myself for not attending her session now. Sophia and I went separately to different sessions this hour and we both missed her session. Marylou is an amazing person. Sophia and I really enjoyed meeting her and Michael Gogin. Omnipresence would have really been helpful at this conference!
A minor critique. The biggest disappointment was the closing plenary. Far too much time was spent moving people into and out of the circle and defining very granular categories regarding attendee demographics. The much more important planning session ended up feeling way too rushed.
I plan to go again. I hope to put together a plan for doing a session at next year's conference, that's how much I liked this event!
The session that most exceeded my expectations was Coming Out Like a Porn Star with Jiz Lee, Joanne Angel, Casey Clavert and JackHammerXXL. I was deeply moved by them reading their stories of coming out, from of the book by Jiz Lee, Coming Out Like a Porn Star. The power of narrative is amazing and this anthology was a great way to humanize sex workers and their experience. I will be recommending this to my friends, especially my vanilla friends.
The slut shaming panel was very good, as was Andre Shakti's session. The session on poly was good as was the ethical porn session as well as Joan Price's session. I didn't learn a lot I didn't already know in Joan's session or the poly session; which is not so surprising as these are in my wheelhouse. Joan is just such a sweet person it's always a pleasure seeing her.
The session I found the most disappointing was the session on female libido and testosterone. This felt like a pharma sales pitch. I was disappointed that I could not be in multiple places at one time. Sometimes I had to choose between two sessions and sometimes, looking back, I felt I made the wrong choice. I wish I had chosen the session I hadn't attended. Especially the session by Dr. Marylou Naccarato; I am kicking myself for not attending her session now. Sophia and I went separately to different sessions this hour and we both missed her session. Marylou is an amazing person. Sophia and I really enjoyed meeting her and Michael Gogin. Omnipresence would have really been helpful at this conference!
A minor critique. The biggest disappointment was the closing plenary. Far too much time was spent moving people into and out of the circle and defining very granular categories regarding attendee demographics. The much more important planning session ended up feeling way too rushed.
I plan to go again. I hope to put together a plan for doing a session at next year's conference, that's how much I liked this event!
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
PRE before NRE
According to wikipedia:
When you have such a new crush there is no way of knowing if the object of your new crush is going to be a new lover, a new friend or someone you will eventually block on Facebook.
To me this new potential relationship has an energy all its own. This energy derives from the mystery of not knowing what it is going to be. This is different from NRE (new relationship energy) and I am going to refer to it as PRE (pre-relationship energy). I prefer using the term PRE over NRE in this case, because technically at this stage you don't even know if you ever will be in a relationship together, much less what that relationship will be. The box has not yet been opened...
After meeting Anna I was hit with more PRE (or NRE if you prefer) than I imagined would be possible at 60. The flirting was intense between us. The bubble dreams were spewing like crazy. In preparation of what might be, I got tested. (Frankly, I needed to do that anyway and was already thinking about it.)
My friend Jim said I was like this whole different and ungrounded version of Sam. Buckle up Jim! It was going to be a hell of a fun ride, no matter how it might end.
My wife Sophia supported my crush, but neither of us had ever had a crush on someone else this intense in the decades we've been together. Sophia became hesitant and wary of what was going on, but she was wise to let it play out.
My relationships with my wife (and another partner Dana) have a totally different kind of energy. They both have decades of history. They have old relationship energy (ORE) and ORE has its own kind of super power coolness!
< Previously in this thread | Next in thread >
Schrödinger's cat is a thought experiment, sometimes described as a paradox, devised by Austrian physicist Erwin Schrödinger in 1935... The scenario presents a cat that may be simultaneously both alive and dead, a state known as a quantum superposition, as a result of being linked to a random subatomic event that may or may not occur.A new crush is a lot like Schrödinger's cat. Basically this paradox says that until something is observed, it's state cannot be expressed as being one thing or another. It's a super power in that in this superposition it's not one possibility but the crush is, for a short time, all possibilities.
When you have such a new crush there is no way of knowing if the object of your new crush is going to be a new lover, a new friend or someone you will eventually block on Facebook.
To me this new potential relationship has an energy all its own. This energy derives from the mystery of not knowing what it is going to be. This is different from NRE (new relationship energy) and I am going to refer to it as PRE (pre-relationship energy). I prefer using the term PRE over NRE in this case, because technically at this stage you don't even know if you ever will be in a relationship together, much less what that relationship will be. The box has not yet been opened...
After meeting Anna I was hit with more PRE (or NRE if you prefer) than I imagined would be possible at 60. The flirting was intense between us. The bubble dreams were spewing like crazy. In preparation of what might be, I got tested. (Frankly, I needed to do that anyway and was already thinking about it.)
My friend Jim said I was like this whole different and ungrounded version of Sam. Buckle up Jim! It was going to be a hell of a fun ride, no matter how it might end.
My wife Sophia supported my crush, but neither of us had ever had a crush on someone else this intense in the decades we've been together. Sophia became hesitant and wary of what was going on, but she was wise to let it play out.
My relationships with my wife (and another partner Dana) have a totally different kind of energy. They both have decades of history. They have old relationship energy (ORE) and ORE has its own kind of super power coolness!
< Previously in this thread | Next in thread >
Saturday, July 4, 2015
Our Boundary
I met Sofia, a woman I am crazy about. I married her. Then later in life when I learned about poly and looked back on my past of living a poly lifestyle with Mary and Cindy and learning about
poly more I realized being poly is something I am.
Sofia and I talked about it, explored it, she realized she is firmly monogamous. I love her so much I decided I did not want to lose her. We worked it out. I can't be monogamous with my heart but I can with my dick. And, so I am. Every day I wake up with the knowledge that it is worth it. Sofia, is worth it. But, I do love other women. Sofia knows it, so does Dana, that's our boundary and it seems to be holding.
I still self identify as poly. Sexually mono; by choice due to circumstances, romantically and emotionally poly. At least today.
Sofia and I talked about it, explored it, she realized she is firmly monogamous. I love her so much I decided I did not want to lose her. We worked it out. I can't be monogamous with my heart but I can with my dick. And, so I am. Every day I wake up with the knowledge that it is worth it. Sofia, is worth it. But, I do love other women. Sofia knows it, so does Dana, that's our boundary and it seems to be holding.
I still self identify as poly. Sexually mono; by choice due to circumstances, romantically and emotionally poly. At least today.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)