These definitions are not meant to be definitive, just an opinion. It's good to listen to a lot of people's views on what words mean then come up with your own opinions.
Agency: In terms of relationships, as used here, agency is the capacity of individuals to act independently and to make their own informed free choices. Agency can be restricted by relationship structures, such as hierarchy, as well as by lack of adequate information (often due to information withholding, like cheating) that causes a person to be unable to make an informed decision regarding her/his position in the relationship.
Affair: Means a relationship, that:
- Has sexual alchemy.
- Is emotionally and/or physically intimate.
- The nature of the relationship is hidden and kept as a secret, especially from other partners of either or both of the parties involved.
- Has limited sexual alchemy. May be bromatic, same or different genders.
- Is emotionally intimate but not physically intimate.
- The relationship has, or at least usually offers the potential of, romantic emotional bonding.
Bubble Dreams: I like the term "bubble dreams," (stolen from the Lady Gaga song about her father, "Speechless".)
I use it here to refer to fantasies and/or dreams you have about someone you have a major crush on, but a potential relationship has not yet developed and/or defined itself. This is common during that smitten period, before or during NRE, when you have no idea if the bubble dreams can become real, or if they will just pop and go away.
Cheating: IMHO means a non-consensually non-monogamous romantic, emotionally and/or physically intimate event or relationship, initiated by one partner which is usually hidden and without the consent of the other partner(s) of one or more of the people involved who would likely consider it betrayal if they found out what their partner did or was doing.
Compersion: I like to think of compersion as joyful empathy - Urban dictionary defines compersion as, “A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship.” A Wikipedia definition is, "Compersion is an empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy, and the term is regularly used by members of the polyamory community in the context of polyamorous relationships. It is used to describe when a person experiences positive feelings when a lover is enjoying another relationship."
GSRM: Gender, Sexual and Relationship Minorities
I use it here to refer to fantasies and/or dreams you have about someone you have a major crush on, but a potential relationship has not yet developed and/or defined itself. This is common during that smitten period, before or during NRE, when you have no idea if the bubble dreams can become real, or if they will just pop and go away.
Cheating: IMHO means a non-consensually non-monogamous romantic, emotionally and/or physically intimate event or relationship, initiated by one partner which is usually hidden and without the consent of the other partner(s) of one or more of the people involved who would likely consider it betrayal if they found out what their partner did or was doing.
Compersion: I like to think of compersion as joyful empathy - Urban dictionary defines compersion as, “A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship.” A Wikipedia definition is, "Compersion is an empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy, and the term is regularly used by members of the polyamory community in the context of polyamorous relationships. It is used to describe when a person experiences positive feelings when a lover is enjoying another relationship."
GSRM: Gender, Sexual and Relationship Minorities
Lifestyle, The: As a noun "the lifestyle" is a term often used to refer to swinging. It can be a code word for talking about swinging in a public setting where saying swinging might cause offense. Lifestylers or Lifestyle people is similarly a term for swingers. The word lifestyle, in common usage, often is defined as "how a person lives." Using it in this context, though, is often a trigger for some folks and so I try to avoid using it.
Love: Love is love. Love is many things and one thing. Love is a shape shifter. We love our family, our deities, our pets, our partners, our friends and ourselves. We love each differently, we each love differently and love each one differently at different times. There is no litmus test that applies to all people or even to ourselves. To define love and say “this is love” is to restrict it and to create a way to say to others “that which you’re experiencing as love is not love.” The only definition of love for me that makes sense is, love is love.
Love: Love is love. Love is many things and one thing. Love is a shape shifter. We love our family, our deities, our pets, our partners, our friends and ourselves. We love each differently, we each love differently and love each one differently at different times. There is no litmus test that applies to all people or even to ourselves. To define love and say “this is love” is to restrict it and to create a way to say to others “that which you’re experiencing as love is not love.” The only definition of love for me that makes sense is, love is love.
Lovers: Lovers are two, or more, people in a romantic relationship, that:
Moirail: I am using the word to mean a person with whom one has an intense emotional connection with a romantic dynamic but non-sexual relationship. I seem to have collected these in my life.
NRE (New Relationship Energy): Where you get so wrapped up in a new lover that the rest of the world just kind of fades away for awhile.
Non-monogamy: A relationship where one, or more, partner(s), is intimately (sexually and/or romantically emotionally) involved with more than one partner at a time with or without consent.
ORE (Old Relationship Energy): A wonderful stage in life where you have been in a relationship so long you are like extensions of each other. You really really know each other and are incredibly comfortable together. Sometimes, it's like you are thinking the same thoughts. The relationship has a huge companionate factor. You become witnesses to each other's lives.
Open relationships: IMHO means consensually non-monogamous relationships.
Orientation: An orientation is something that is innate, unplanned and lifelong.
PRE (pre-relationship energy): To me a new potential relationship has an energy all its own that derives from the mystery of not knowing what it is going to be. This is different from NRE (new relationship energy) and I am going to refer to it as PRE (pre-relationship energy). I prefer PRE over NRE in this case, because technically you don't even know if you ever will be in a relationship together, much less what that relationship will be.
Partner: Partner (in a polyamory context) does not seem to have an agreed upon strict definition, and that's good. According to Multiamory it's a catch-all term that can be used in many contexts to help us communicate. It seems, in a polyamory relationship context, a partner is generally a person with whom a person is having an ongoing romantic and/or a sexual relationship/interaction with. But, I don't really think the term partner should be applied even that strictly. Used in that context, I think it's one of those words that can easily be applied to create unintentional relationship hierarchies. I think long term friends are partners too. I like to think of the term partner as meaning family, chosen logical family. How that expresses itself in the relationship between partners is both private and irrelevant. I don't use the term often though, even though that's the way I think of it, because if I introduce a person as my partner, some people assume we are having sex and that assumption by others may make my partner(s) uncomfortable.
Polyamorous: The belief in and/or practice of multiple loving relationships, with the full knowledge and consent of those involved. (Source Dawn Davidson)
Polyamory: The meaning of the word changes with context. This is common in the English language, for a word to have more than one meaning. See this blogpost.
Polyamory as a way to structure relationships:
Polyamory is a way to structure open relationships that focuses on the option of emotional attachment in a context of consent of all parties involved. There are a lot of specifics that can vary depending on the relationship agreements of the parties involved.
So, my taxonomy would be non-monogamy/open relationships/poly with poly being a subset of open and open being a subset of non-mono. Rather than being polar opposites, in my opinion, there is a multi-dimensional spectrum of possibilities including swinging and polyamory.
Polyamory as an orientation:
In another context Polyamory can be a type of relationship orientation where a person finds they are non-monogamous by nature (that nature is something that is innate, unplanned and lifelong) and would prefer to be able to honestly and openly be who they are.
Polyamory as a philosophy:
I intend to write more about this...
NOTE - I was poly long before there was a term poly. Whether I acted on them or not, whether I was free to do so or not, I would develop deep romantic connections for multiple people all the time. It took me 40 years to realize I was not broken, that was and is my orientation. I can make a lifestyle decision to live mono, but that's not my hearts path. It's like someone who is mono and bi. Choosing a person of either gender to be mono with does not make a bi person not be bi. I will die poly no matter what my relationship status is.
Polyish: A space between polyamory & monogamy that is intense & intimate loving "friendships." Neither poly nor mono seems to fit. These polyish relationships are people we love, whom we are committed to being there for, spending time with, loving, being emotionally vulnerable to, supporting, and nurturing each other in a way that would be culturally inappropriate in a monogamous context, but falls short of being what many poly folks would consider to be polyamory. They seem like more than friends, maybe have romantic alchemy with, but not what we consider partners. MORE HERE
Sex: (My personal definition) is an activity that two or more engage in that either results in orgasm or has an intent to possibly result in one or more having an orgasm.
Swinging: As a lifestyle, swinging is a type of open lifestyle that focuses on sexual but not emotional variety So, my taxonomy would be non-monogamy/open relationships/swinging with swinging and poly being a subset of open and open being a subset of non-mono. Rather than being opposites, in my opinion, there is a whole spectrum of possibilities between swinging and polyamory.
See Also:
- Has sexual alchemy.
- At some level is emotionally intimate and usually, but not always, physically intimate.
- The relationship has, or at least usually offers the potential of, emotional bonding.
Moirail: I am using the word to mean a person with whom one has an intense emotional connection with a romantic dynamic but non-sexual relationship. I seem to have collected these in my life.
NRE (New Relationship Energy): Where you get so wrapped up in a new lover that the rest of the world just kind of fades away for awhile.
Non-monogamy: A relationship where one, or more, partner(s), is intimately (sexually and/or romantically emotionally) involved with more than one partner at a time with or without consent.
ORE (Old Relationship Energy): A wonderful stage in life where you have been in a relationship so long you are like extensions of each other. You really really know each other and are incredibly comfortable together. Sometimes, it's like you are thinking the same thoughts. The relationship has a huge companionate factor. You become witnesses to each other's lives.
Open relationships: IMHO means consensually non-monogamous relationships.
Orientation: An orientation is something that is innate, unplanned and lifelong.
PRE (pre-relationship energy): To me a new potential relationship has an energy all its own that derives from the mystery of not knowing what it is going to be. This is different from NRE (new relationship energy) and I am going to refer to it as PRE (pre-relationship energy). I prefer PRE over NRE in this case, because technically you don't even know if you ever will be in a relationship together, much less what that relationship will be.
Partner: Partner (in a polyamory context) does not seem to have an agreed upon strict definition, and that's good. According to Multiamory it's a catch-all term that can be used in many contexts to help us communicate. It seems, in a polyamory relationship context, a partner is generally a person with whom a person is having an ongoing romantic and/or a sexual relationship/interaction with. But, I don't really think the term partner should be applied even that strictly. Used in that context, I think it's one of those words that can easily be applied to create unintentional relationship hierarchies. I think long term friends are partners too. I like to think of the term partner as meaning family, chosen logical family. How that expresses itself in the relationship between partners is both private and irrelevant. I don't use the term often though, even though that's the way I think of it, because if I introduce a person as my partner, some people assume we are having sex and that assumption by others may make my partner(s) uncomfortable.
Polyamorous: The belief in and/or practice of multiple loving relationships, with the full knowledge and consent of those involved. (Source Dawn Davidson)
Polyamory: The meaning of the word changes with context. This is common in the English language, for a word to have more than one meaning. See this blogpost.
Polyamory as a way to structure relationships:
Polyamory is a way to structure open relationships that focuses on the option of emotional attachment in a context of consent of all parties involved. There are a lot of specifics that can vary depending on the relationship agreements of the parties involved.
So, my taxonomy would be non-monogamy/open relationships/poly with poly being a subset of open and open being a subset of non-mono. Rather than being polar opposites, in my opinion, there is a multi-dimensional spectrum of possibilities including swinging and polyamory.
Polyamory as an orientation:
In another context Polyamory can be a type of relationship orientation where a person finds they are non-monogamous by nature (that nature is something that is innate, unplanned and lifelong) and would prefer to be able to honestly and openly be who they are.
Polyamory as a philosophy:
I intend to write more about this...
NOTE - I was poly long before there was a term poly. Whether I acted on them or not, whether I was free to do so or not, I would develop deep romantic connections for multiple people all the time. It took me 40 years to realize I was not broken, that was and is my orientation. I can make a lifestyle decision to live mono, but that's not my hearts path. It's like someone who is mono and bi. Choosing a person of either gender to be mono with does not make a bi person not be bi. I will die poly no matter what my relationship status is.
Polyish: A space between polyamory & monogamy that is intense & intimate loving "friendships." Neither poly nor mono seems to fit. These polyish relationships are people we love, whom we are committed to being there for, spending time with, loving, being emotionally vulnerable to, supporting, and nurturing each other in a way that would be culturally inappropriate in a monogamous context, but falls short of being what many poly folks would consider to be polyamory. They seem like more than friends, maybe have romantic alchemy with, but not what we consider partners. MORE HERE
Sex: (My personal definition) is an activity that two or more engage in that either results in orgasm or has an intent to possibly result in one or more having an orgasm.
Swinging: As a lifestyle, swinging is a type of open lifestyle that focuses on sexual but not emotional variety So, my taxonomy would be non-monogamy/open relationships/swinging with swinging and poly being a subset of open and open being a subset of non-mono. Rather than being opposites, in my opinion, there is a whole spectrum of possibilities between swinging and polyamory.
See Also:
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