Monday, October 31, 2016

My Review of Wide Open, by Gracie X

Almost a year ago I wrote about starting to read Gracie X's excellent bookNot only did I read it, I read it twice; within about six month's. I never do that. I never reviewed it on this blog (an oversight) after I finished it. The following review was actually written about six months ago (after my second reading) for another venue. Sorry for the delay, but this is still true. Gracie is a smart visual writer and she continues to inspire me:

This is my favorite polyamory book...

I think Gracie's memoir can be compared to The Price of Salt, the book that inspired the movie Carol. The plot of Wide Open is similar in some respects to the plot of Carol, but in a more contemporary setting. If you look over time at the arc of change from the 1950s (when The Price of Salt was written) to now, our culture has been through a change from rigidity and non-acceptance to more flexibility, more tolerance and greater acceptance. I think that's a good thing. But, we have a long way to go.

No matter where you stand on ethical non-monogamy; the ideas are important here. Just as it was for same sex couples in the 50s, the rights of people to define their relationships and their own lives and shape their families need to be respected.

When done with the best interests of the children in mind, polyamorous families are good families. This is that story. Gracie X is a great mom and an excellent writer. This book is very well written and her intelligence shows. I recommend this book.

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Being "In Love"

I have been thinking a lot about the term "in love." What does it mean to be in love?

Is it being in New Relationship Energy (NRE)? Not for me. NRE is strong and intoxicating for me. For me it's that shiny new toy thing. But, I have had NRE fade away as the realities of life  came back into focus or the bubble dreams popped. For me NRE is not in love, nor is it love, NRE is NRE. So, what is this being in love thing?

I thought about it more. I even posted to Reddit about it. I wondered if "in love" even existed. I started thinking that no, it didn't. I started thinking being in love is just layman's terminology for NRE. I started thinking, there is no such thing as being in love.

Then I was up at night and started thinking that maybe I was thinking all wrong about it. I have come to a new understanding of being in love as being in me. To me the emphasis is the word "in." In is like roots that have grown into my soil. It's not about romance at all. I am in love with my wife, with my kids, with my dearest friends, selected past partners and even with my cat.

What if being in love has nothing to do with romance? What if instead being in love is about letting someone into your being, into your soil, into your soul?

Now that's a powerful concept to carry into life, to carry into polyamory.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

It is over

We decided not to put a label on it, since neither friends, nor partners seemed to fit. We were not sexual but it was intimate in its own way. I love her and she said she loved me. She is amazing, unlike anyone I have ever known. So unlike is she, that I seemed to have a talent for unintentionally stepping on landmines, pushing her buttons and making her angry. She's sensitive. There's nothing wrong with sensitive. But, it became awkward. Finally she said, enough. I guess we finally found a label that fits. It is over.

Sunday, October 2, 2016

Decriminalize Sex Work Now

I do not understand how something that is legal and consensual when no money is involved becomes illegal when money is involved. Decriminalization is different than legalization.

According to the website ProCon, (accessed Oct. 2, 2016) Kimberly Klinger, writer, in the Jan.-Feb. 2003 The Humanist article "Prostitution, Humanism, and a Woman's Choice," wrote:
"Decriminalization essentially means the removal of laws against this (prostitution) and other forms of sex work…

By contrast the term legalization usually refers to a system of governmental regulation of prostitutes wherein prostitutes are licensed and required to work in specific ways…. This is the practice in Nevada, the only state in the United States where brothels are legal. Although legalization can also imply a decriminalized, autonomous system of prostitution, the reality is that in most 'legalized' systems the police control prostitution with criminal codes. Laws regulate prostitutes' businesses… prescribing health checks and registration of health status."
Consenting adults should be free to express their sexuality their own individual way, even if that involves the exchange of money. A common argument used against sex work is that laws against sex work are necessary to prevent human trafficking. According to the website ProCon the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ), in "Fight Trafficking in Persons" on its website (accessed Apr. 19, 2007) stated:
"What is trafficking in persons? Trafficking in persons — also known as 'human trafficking' — is a form of modern-day slavery. Traffickers often prey on individuals who are poor, frequently unemployed or underemployed, and who may lack access to social safety nets, predominantly women and children in certain countries. Victims are often lured with false promises of good jobs and better lives, and then forced to work under brutal and inhuman conditions."
Trafficking is a terrible thing. Trafficking is slavery. Let me say it again human trafficking is a terrible thing and, decriminalizing sex work is NOT legalizing human trafficking. The fact that sex work is criminal encourages, not discourages, human trafficking because people involved in sex work are not protected by the law.

The illegality of sex work stigmatizes sex workers and makes it easier for sex workers to be victimized. Incarcerating sex workers makes it more, not less, likely that sex workers will have a hard time finding work other than sex work once they have a criminal record. The illegality of sex work makes it harder for sex workers to leave sex work.

It is long past time to decriminalize sex work. It's the right thing to do. It's the sex positive thing to do.