"Relationships" and friendships

 Is sex the sorting hat that separates "Relationships" and friendships?

I used to ponder this a lot. Then, decades ago, I remembered I had some friends who decided for themselves to not have sex until they got married. I wondered to myself, what if one of them had gotten in a car accident on the way to their wedding, and had died? Would that have meant they had never been “more than” friends? Thankfully that didn’t happen. They married and procreated and 45+ years later they are still married, have kids and grandkids.

I don’t know (and don’t want to know) if they still have sex. That is none of my business. But, what if they don’t? Are sexless older couples no longer partners? Are sexless older couples “just friends”?

I leave it to people to decide who they are and label their own feelings and relationships in a way that resonates with them. If a person tells me they are asexual, polyamorous and have multiple partners then I accept and celebrate that. What people physically do, or don’t do, in their intimate relationships is none of my business.

Personally, for me, sex is not a relationship sorting hat. Relationships are like gender. People are free to choose their own labels. I have had many wonderful platonic partners in my life. And, I have had many wonderful non-platonic partners in my life. We know/knew who and what we are/were and don’t/didn't need others to define us.

This train of thought makes me think of a throuple I know. This family is an asexual person and two sexual people. They are living and loving together and raising their child together. They are a family, share expenses, parent and are a loving polyamorous throuple family. One of them is a person who does not experience sexual attraction. So what?

I am going to finish with this link: https://www.asexuality.org/