Saturday, April 23, 2016

Polyamory, a person can be be polyamorous and monogamous

My current definition of poly...
The meaning of the word polyamory changes with context. It is common in the English language for a word to have more than one meaning. As with some other words, it's possible to use the same word in a sentence in two different contexts.

Polyamory as a way to structure relationships:
Polyamory (loving many) is a way to structure open relationships that focuses on the option of emotional romantic (and often sexual) attachment in a context of consent of all parties involved. There are a lot of specifics that can vary depending on the relationship agreements of the parties involved.

So, my taxonomy would be non-monogamy/open relationships/poly with poly being a subset of open and open being a subset of non-mono. Rather than being polar opposites, in my opinion, there is a multi-dimensional spectrum of possibilities including swinging and polyamory.

Polyamory as an orientation:
In another context Polyamory (loving many) can be a type of relationship orientation where a person finds they are non-monogamous by nature and would prefer to be able to honestly and openly be who they are.

Implications:
A person can be polyamorous and monogamous, at the same time!

  1. A person can be living in a polyamorous relationship structure and themselves be monogamous or find they are not happy because their own relationship orientation is monogamous.
  2. A person can be in a monogamous relationship structure and find themselves wishing they could be able to honestly and openly express romantic love and/or have intimate relationships with other people - but be unable to transition their current relationship or leave it. It may not even be physically safe for them to be poly, even though they may self identify as poly.
Note:
I was poly long before there was a term poly. Whether I acted on them or not, whether I was free to do so or not, I would develop deep romantic connections for multiple people all the time. It took me 40 years to realize I was not broken, that was and is my orientation. I can make a decision to live mono, but that's not my heart's path. It's like someone who is mono and bi. Choosing a person of either gender to be mono with does not make a bi person not be bi. I will die poly no matter what my relationship status is.

No comments:

Post a Comment