I am sure mom knew

I think she knew, I am almost sure of it!

Because my mom suffered from severe depression at times, folks had a tendency to underestimate her. She had been in and out of institutions at times, she had problems but she wasn’t stupid.

My mom, like me, suffered from chronic insomnia. This was the mid-70's. I was working nights a lot then and my parent’s house had paper thin walls. We were staying at my parent’s house as Cindy cared for my dad and our baby.

Dad was a huge man, tall and over 300 pounds. Cindy was small compared to him. Dad's body slowly failed him and he got worse and worse and became like a huge baby himself. He was determined to die at home. My wife Cindy was the only one willing and able to take care of dad. She took on a huge job caring for him and our baby at the same time. It was a major sacrifice for a 19 year-old woman and she did it willingly out of love.

She was also a very sexual young woman and my 35 year-old brother Darryl must have been an adventurous escape for her from her days. Darryl flew across country twice to visit dad (and my wife, it turns out.) Sometimes I found out later, when I was home and asleep from working long hours, she would go to him in the guest room, and then come back, wake me up and we would make love. I did not even know.

But, I think mom knew and never ever told. I can imagine what it must have been like for mom, laying next to her husband who was dying, knowing she needed Cindy to take care of him and hearing that all going on. Still, like me, mom loved Cindy too and Cindy would be there for mom too, when mom died years later.

I am glad I forgave Cindy. If it hadn't been for what happened the story of Mary would have likely been quite different. Cindy was a good person and I still love her almost 40 years later.