In the mid-70s we had gone full swap, unlimited pass with no real negotiations of boundaries. Finding other partners was easier for Cindy than for me and she did find others. My focus was on Mary who I was falling in love with.
Our only reference point was the standard narrative. To me that narrative implied that to fall in love with Mary I had to stop loving Cindy. But, that’s not how it played out. Still filled with new relationship energy, I was all-gaga over Mary. But, I still loved Cindy. Cindy had other partners but made no outside emotional connections that she shared with me.
I do not want to make this sound easy, it wasn’t. Not only did we not communicate well, we lacked the words to communicate with. So, you can imagine the drama.
We had a close group of friends. We had group parties. These were not hard-core lifestylers who played safe, had rules and boundaries. Cindy would find someone to play with and I always found Mary. I loved seeing Cindy play and I enjoyed playing with Mary, sometimes just us, sometimes with Cindy (FMF) and sometimes I played with Mary and Lenny (MFM).
It was all great fun, but an emotional roller coaster. Lacking nothing else to call it we called it “weirdness.” It all felt weird, fun and sexy but weird. Cindy was moving towards swinging. I was moving towards polyamory. I wish I had known then what I know now. Weirdness was a bad choice for a name. It was followed by another term we did not understand, shaming...
No comments:
Post a Comment