Compersion before compersion

Urban dictionary defines compersion as, “A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship.” A Wikipedia definition is, "Compersion is an empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy, and the term is regularly used by members of the polyamory community in the context of polyamorous relationships. It is used to describe when a person experiences positive feelings when a lover is enjoying another relationship."

I remember feeling strong compersion when wife Cindy and/or our girlfriend Mary were having sexy times with others and even more when we were doing threesomes together. We just did not have the word compersion for these feelings when they were happening in the 1970s.

It gave me pleasure seeing their pleasures. In fact it was hot! In the Book Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá, the authors contend having multiple sexual partners was common and accepted in the environment of evolutionary adaptedness before the advent of agriculture. Cristopher Ryan did a Ted talk on this subject.

According to Wikipedia, “The authors argue that human beings evolved in egalitarian hunter-gatherer bands in which sexual interaction was a shared resource, much like food, child care, and group defense.”

So, perhaps there is a biological precedent for socially acceptable non-monogamy and compersion having once been the norm. Is that why so many folks suck at monogamy? Does having a biological precedent even matter? You may ask, what about love?

To my knowledge Cindy was only sexually, never emotionally, involved with another man when she was married to me. So, I never got to experience her being in full new relationship experience (NRE.) I was both emotionally and sexually involved with Mary. But, Cindy was there for me and seemed to accept my love and NRE for Mary and expressed her own love for Mary in our triad.

Compersion, yea, I think it’s real. It was for me, even before it was defined.